This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my phone needs a breathalizer
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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