So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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