Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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