Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I need moral support for this bender
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
