In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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