Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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