I showed him my bush... on skype.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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