I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
