I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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