i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
