you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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