Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
