the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
