I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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