Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
