This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
