oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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