he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
