i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
