True but thats because hes a fetus.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
