so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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