Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
