I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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