I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
