She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just want to make out with him forever
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
