Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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