You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
