Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
