I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
