he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize