It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
