i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
