you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
