This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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