My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
