She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize