That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
