fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
