Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
