I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
