I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
