Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
