WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sorry about my life...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
