he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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