Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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