Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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