the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
