I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
