I'm eating all of the evidence.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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