Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
