I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
