Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
