I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
...so i touched it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
