the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
