She is in my trunk
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
