I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
