I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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