Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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