My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have aggressive nipples.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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