my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize