I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
