Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
