I could make wine with my vomit
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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