Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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