So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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