If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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