I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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