fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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