I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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