By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
