ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
