it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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