we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
