She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize