im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
