It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
