So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
