she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
These tits shall not be calmed
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