Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Panties = found
Randomize
