im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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