i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
as a side note pls kill me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
