I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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