Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
