I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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