Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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