If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
