My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
