forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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