Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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