Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
