I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
