She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Oh god it's open bar.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
