If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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