I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize