well I can't set my house on fire every night
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
