new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
