Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
