DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
