dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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