I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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