we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
