i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize