what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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