So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
