If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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