WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
