i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
