His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
