Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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