How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
