All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
